69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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