If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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