Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
