guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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