Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
