What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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