mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There r osticjed everywhere
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
