1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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