the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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