I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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