So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
