I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
