Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
