The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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