you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My vagina just clenched in fear
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
