The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Randomize
