You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just cropdusted the office
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
