Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
