What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
