Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
