Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
