mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
