I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
