i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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