if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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