Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
