Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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