All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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