Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
