dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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