Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
