So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
