Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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