yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
