i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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