my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize