his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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