no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
