Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
