I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
