the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
