I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
