I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
