Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize