I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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