He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
