I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
