So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
only you would photoshop your dick
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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