I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
