He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
