He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize