My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
