Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
