she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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