Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Randomize
