you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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