Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
