I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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