You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
