so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
