I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
