I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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