3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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