i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
