We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
