I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
