My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
