remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
