Do you still have your period?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
